To Be a Lesbian Page 5

  At the restaurant, the Maître D' was quick in identifying who we were. He must have researched what I looked like after I told him my name last night when making the call. "Miss Roth," he said, flashing his white teeth. "And Mr. Roth. Miss Sullivan." He nodded to them. "This way please." He lead us through noisy tables, past crowded areas, straight to another private room. The three of us chose our places, used to the special treatment. Since I've told the Maître D' what we wanted to order beforehand, he excused himself from our side after getting us seated.

  I wouldn't dwell too much into the food. It was passable. The wine, if I was being honest, was even better. When our meal was done, and we were only delaying our stay because of good conversation, Casper got to the issue of my project, as I knew he would eventually. "How's it coming along?" he asked. "You told me that you found a place to conduct your observations. Have you gotten to the first phase?"

  Lulu and I exchanged looks. I lowered my wine glass. "Actually, no. I haven't started anything," I said. "The place mysteriously vanished. Poof! They were gone the next day, and the succeeding week after that."

  "Why not get another place to survey?"

  "Casper, Casper," I said, frowning. "It's like you don't know me at all. I rarely change my mind when it's set. It's either that cafe, or nada." I drank from my glass to remove the taste of bitterness. Two things have been evading me so far. "Did you send for the bill?"

  "Yeah, I'm still waiting for them to bring the card back," he said.

  My mood had soured from the direction of the conversation, mainly because instead of triumphs, I was telling him about a rut I've hit early on in the makings of my book. When I was in that frame of mind, sometimes I liked dragging everyone with me to hell. "So how's Jessie?" I said, itching for a fight.

  Lulu's brows raised. "Jessie?" she said.

  Casper poured himself more wine, ignorant to the change of temperature in the room. "She's incredible," he answered. "I never thought I'd see someone like her, but you know about serendipity. We found each other at the right time." I cringed. Asking him the question was an oversight on my part. I thought he was going to say that she was just a friend, an acquaintance. I didn't actually think that they'd become a couple. He'd been single forever. "I should introduce you to her sometime," he said. "You too, Lu. You'll love her."

  While Casper took his card from the waitress, I stared at a deflated Lulu, giving her what little assurances I could. I might have made a mistake in bringing the conversation, but on the bright side, this was the closure she needed. She should rise from the ashes and become the phoenix she was born to be. Her lips trembled. Or she could cry for days over ice cream. Either way would be acceptable.

  The person who delivered Casper's card spoke from the doorway. "I hope you enjoyed your stay."

  That voice. Low, a bit throaty, really, really sexy. My eyes snapped to the door, but she was no longer there. My heart thundered on my chest. "Did you see what she looked like?!" I yelled to Casper.

  He almost dropped his glass. "Who, what now?" The napkin on my lap fell to the floor as I made a mad dash to follow the woman.

  The room beyond ours was filled with people, waiters, and a bustle of activity. How was I to find someone in this chaos of cutlery and orders? There, at 12 o'clock. A woman with her locks covered with hairnet was making her way to the back area. I trailed after her, making sure she'd stay in my sight. "What are you doing here?!" a chef shouted to me when I entered the kitchen. The other staff were staring at me like I was insane. A flash of silver ring at 9 o'clock. She'd gone through another room. You wouldn't escape from me, girl.

  I dashed, I evaded, I hit a couple of people along the way. Snaking passage in the angry chef's kitchen, I burst through the door she went to. The cold night air hit my face at once. There was an alleyway, stacked boxes on the left side, a dumpster on the other, and billows of smoke were coming from the vents. The woman I was looking for was ten or more yards from me, wearing the same white uniform as the waiters from the restaurant.

  "Freeze!" I said, hands on my knees, panting. "Who are you? Why are you following me?"

  She stopped and turned her head. It aggravated me that her face was occluded by the smoke. "Shouldn't you ask yourself the same thing?" she said. I didn't move. I couldn't. My feet were stuck to the spot. I couldn't make out her features, yet somehow I sensed that she smiled. "Goodnight," she said, before she was swallowed by the fog.

  Chapter 6

  Testing. Testing. 1, 2. . . For the purpose of the study, majority of what I say and do would be documented using the voice recorder from now on. Afterwards, it would be transferred to my computer for later review. I rewound the tape and listened. "For the purpose of the study—" Good. I caught up to the latest entry and hit the record button again. "My ongoing search for the cafe has proven to be unsuccessful. It has eluded me for some unfathomable reason, and if that's not frustrating enough, there are other factors to consider."

  The woman in the restaurant crossed my mind. I clasped the recorder. "The audacity of it all. The nerve! She'd come in contact with me for four times. Four times, yet I haven't seen her face once. I wasn't much of a conspiracy theory person, but the direction of the wind is slowly shifting. I need to talk to this person and ask her what she wants from me once and for all. I need to. . . I need to. . ." My hands quivered. "Scotland, are you hearing yourself?" I pushed the stop button.

  I've been obsessing over the issue for the last few days. This had to stop. It wasn't healthy to think of one woman all the time. It wasn't healthy to think of her, period. Instead of focusing on my research, I'd often catch myself imagining what I'd do the next time we meet, bump, or whatever. I needed to make an intervention for myself. I closed my eyes and released my breath slowly. From this day onward, you won't think of her anymore, Scotland. Get it? Answer me. Yes, yes, and yes.

  Footsteps descended the stairs. Lulu appeared shortly after, still in her pajamas at three in the afternoon. "Hi there pretty," I greeted. "There's food on the table." My attempt at a conversation was dismissed. She turned around the corner, grunting.

  I hit the record button when she was out of sight. "I'm worried about her. Casper has come and gone, but she's still depressed over him. The ice cream I've given her had been untouched. The songs I've sang outside her door had been ignored. She'd been crying herself to sleep, the poor girl. Her eyes are always red and puffy, and she looked like she lost weight. That's it. I'll find this Jessie and end her. That's what every sane, caring best friend will do."

  A minute after Lulu went to the kitchen, the smell of burning food reached my nose. Leaving the recorder on the sofa, I hurried to possibly another disaster in the making. Lulu took the gunk remains of what could be a container and the corresponding food on the oven tray, combined in an otherworldly sense that made me think of alien babies. In short, it had melted together, and it smelled terrible. She dumped it all in the trash, then placed the oven's tray on the sink. "I guess I'm a failure at that too," she said.

  "Don't say that," I attempted to cheer her. "You're not a failure. You have things going on for you."

  She folded her arms. "Like what?"

  "You're smart," I said without missing a beat. "You wouldn't have passed in an Ivy league university if you weren't. The only reason why you're not enrolled is because you didn't want to." And Casper. "You're gorgeous too. Weren't you always asked in high school for dates? It's you who didn't want to be committed, not them." Because of Casper. "And you have your voodoo thing. Strange as it is, it's still a thing." Though it didn't work on Casper. Sigh. Everything was connected to Casper with her. She needed an intervention too.

  "Can you go with me today?" she said. "I need to run to the market to buy something." There you go. She didn't require an intervention after all. She was moving on in her own pace, just taking her time.

  "Sure," I said. "What do you need? We'll restock on groceries along the way."

  Her lips pulled into a grim line. "I'm buying a r
ope. It's time to end this sad existence."

  "Lulu!" I protested. "You're going to kill yourself for a boy? Granted, that boy is my brother. He's tall, handsome, filthy rich, an environmentalist, kind, and an all around gentleman." She cringed at each word. I was making this worse, wasn't I? "But that's beside the point," I said. "There are many fish in the sea. Who says that only tuna tastes good when you haven't tried the red snapper? Get dressed. We're going to find Nemo, Dory, or whichever your type is."

  It only took an hour of preparation before Lulu and I were able to get out of the house. I glanced at her outfit approvingly. She'd come in tight jeans, a green blouse, and walking shoes. Not too formal. Not too shabby either. We didn't want to intimidate any prospects. Not this early anyway.

  "We should have taken the car," she moaned, tagging beside me.

  "That's not the right attitude." I spread her lips with my fingers. "Smile. Make yourself seem approachable. We don't need the car. Every place we're going to is within walking distance." I nudged my chin northward. "See that building? That's a gym. Our first victim for the day is a buff guy who'll carry you like a princess to your new mansion." I tugged at her arm, encouraging her to walk faster.

  Contestant number one started walking to us with a warm smile when we came in the gym. "Doesn't he look like an R&B singer?" I whispered, elbowing her. "The muscled version."

  "Shut up, he's coming."

  The guy stopped before us. "Welcome to Fitness Rockers gym." With a voice like that, he could really be a singer. I pinched Lulu's butt. "Are you here for a membership?" he went on. "Our equipments are currently the best in the area. I can show you around if you want."

  "Actually, we hope you can teach us the ropes first," I said. "We're new to this sort of thing." Lulu scrunched her face at me. Okay, maybe our family homes were equipped with a full-sized gym, a pool, a court, and everything our parents thought we'd need growing up. But what could I say? Boys liked to feel needed. It was better to pretend to be vulnerable sometimes before moving for the kill, as the animal kingdom has taught us.

  I pushed Lulu forward. "Fitness Rockers, you said? My friend here wants her world to be rocked, if you know what I mean. Why don't you show her your equipment while I take a look around?" I gave him a meaningful stare.

  Harvey, that's what his nametag said, was dumbfounded at the suggestion. Good. Now the element of surprise was on our side. "Right this way ma'am," he mumbled to Lulu. She flashed me a dirty glare before following him. I seized a magazine from the stand and chose a couch to sit on. I wasn't interested in what the gym had to offer. The streets would be my playground, my gym, and I could always have a punching bag delivered to our house tomorrow for added workout.

  In the middle of scanning the smiling faces of the celebrities on the magazine, I got this prickly feeling at the back of my head. It was an odd sensation, the kind you'd get when someone was watching from afar. I checked the glass wall that overlooked the street. There wasn't anyone there. Hmm. Strange. I could have sworn. . . "Scotland." Lulu's voice cut through my thoughts. "We're leaving." She was pushing through the glass doors faster than I could stumble after her. She swiveled to me outside, irritable and unhappy. "The guy was a douche. Thanks to your suggestion, he kept making remarks about the so-called equipment. Disgusting pig. Are you even listening?"

  "I think I saw a flash of silver," I said.

  Lulu scowled, went to my side, and bit my shoulder. Argh! The sting not only made me push her away, it was a wakeup call too. "That again?" she said. "Casper and I have forgiven you for leaving us in the restaurant in favor of this mysterious girl. Don't tell me you're still onto that?"

  I massaged the area where she sank her teeth into. "Are those bite marks?" I gasped.

  "What if they are?" she retorted.

  I glared at her. Need I remind Lulu that after the famous dinner, I had to pick her from the broken pieces that Casper left? She was making me sound like the odd man out. That was none of my business, obviously. Hmph!

  Her puffy eyes came into focus, and I exhaled. Don't be mad at your best friend, dummy. We were supposed to be allies. Sherlock and Watson remember? "Let's drop the subject," I said, ready to make amends. "Do you want me to go back inside and hit Harvey with a barbell? I totally would if it'd make you happy."

  She rolled her eyes, but I could see that she was trying hard to stifle a laugh, on the verge of forgiving me. We didn't get mad at each other for long. It was a waste of time and effort. "There's no need to hurt him." A flush crept at her cheeks. "I have that covered. I kind of dropped a kettlebell on his foot when he tried to make a move. That brings me back. We should get out of here before he calls the security. He'll be hobbling for a month."

  I smiled like a shark. "That's the spirit. Mayer would be proud."

  "I'm not a Roth," she said.

  "You might as well be," I countered. Now if only I could end Casper's relation to this Jessie, Lulu would legally be part of the family.

  Our next stop for the day was the local trinity church. I've seen the place when we were going to the restaurant with Casper, and though not religious, I wanted to pay a visit. The exterior of the church was impressive. Like a fairytale castle, every arch of its stone paid homage to grandiosity. The materials that were used for construction were nothing but the best. Inside it was a different story. The air of superiority was stripped in exchange of non-scented candles and simpler pews. The altar was devoid of decorations, and at present, vacated of a priest.

  The slim altar boy I spotted after coming in walked towards the entrance, his footsteps echoing. I blocked his way at the right moment, pulling Lulu with me. He looked from one girl to the other. "The mass concluded an hour ago," he said. "The third batch won't begin until six."

  "We didn't come for that," I said.

  Lulu jerked her arm away. "You have got to be kidding me," she huffed. "I should have known that this was why we came here. We are so going to hell when we die."

  The altar boy's brows knitted. "Are you here to make a confession?" he asked.

  "Yes we are," I said. "And so should you. Lulu here is not the only one sinning tonight." I patted his arm. "Don't worry, the priest won't notice if you play hooky with us." People like him were easy to read. On the get-go, he looked like a kind cherub, all angelic and humanitarian, but on the inside his horns were six feet tall.

  The color drained from his face as if he'd seen a ghost. "The priest warned me about you." His fingers tightened on the rosary he was holding. "You are El Diablo."

  "Woah," Lulu and I said in unison, exchanging glances. The altar boy must have had one too many wines from their stash.

  "Sorry, but." I moved closer to sniff his clothes. Sometimes it would leave a certain smell as what I was told. "Are you high?" I whispered.

  A vein appeared on his forehead. "I would rather be high than be associated with low creatures, demons." O-kay. He said more gibberish about me and Lulu being the harbinger of temptation and death, even threatening to ring the bells to banish the church from evil. He wasn't about to let up, and I knew better than to argue with the religious nuts. They always had something to say, turning your words against you.

  When we were back on the street, Lulu squatted on the ground and reared her head back. The laugh that went through her lips started quietly at first, progressing into a crescendo. "What's so funny?" I said.

  She guffawed. "I remembered someone else from Spain calling you that. Sometimes I think it's true." Did she just refer to me as the devil incarnate? What a best friend. But then again, it had been days since she laughed like that. The kind of laugh that came from deep in the belly, continuing in long bursts once released. I should let her be.

  When Lulu was done finding amusement at my expense, she composed herself and stood. "Thanks for making me feel better," she said. "Want to go for a drink later?"

  "You sure you're up to that?"

  She linked our arms. "Yeah, I could use some vodka in my system."

  T
he feeling that someone was watching me returned when we continued our activities. Every time I glanced over my shoulders to check, nobody was there. Could it be? No, we've already talked about this, Scotland. Stop thinking about her. Enough already.

  After her third glass for the night, Lulu had warmed up and agreed to dance. The club was filling up fast, what with the happy hour arriving. Drinks were being poured one glass after another. Loud laughter was in the air. A techno beat was on, and I've talked to a couple of strangers, majority of them introducing themselves first. The sense of being watched intensified, though at this point I didn't care. Come what may, I was going to have fun.

  "Fancy a dance?" a guy in a fitted t-shirt and a flirtatious look aimed at me asked, edging his way closer on the full dance floor.

  "If you can keep up," I dared. Dancing was society's way of expressing itself without the glamorous words, and I happen to be good at it like everything else. We moved to the beat. The five songs we rocked to didn't tire me out.

  "You're one energetic bunny," he said when the song came to a close. He was sweating on his shirt, whereas I was cool and poised. "I'm Jack by the way." I didn't tell him my name, only giving him a wink. "Want to have a decent conversation outside?"

  I looked for Lulu before saying anything. She was near the exit, about to leave the club with the guy she's been talking to for the past hour. I should be irritated at her for forgetting about me, but haven't I done the same thing in many occasions? She should enjoy life too, take her mind off my brother. I followed Jack until we were under the stars, in an empty alley that smelled of dying cigarette butts and beer.